a nook hidden away

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Elad had no idea where to go. He couldn't be in the school where others might see him. He was alone and with that realisation came a torrent of tears. The only one he'd ever loved or would ever love could never love him back.

He sobbed like a baby. The man whose soul resided in him had spurned him, the seeds of his love lying unnourished in barren soil. He rocked back and forth, chanting the shema to himself in broken speech "shema... Eloheinu... Ech...chad... V'ahavta... Uv'khol naphsh'...kha... naphsh'kh...a-ha-ha!"

"uv'khol naphsh'kha... I do not deserve to say it!"

He rocked back and forth with silent sobs

"Touch me! It's so easy to leave me all alone with my memory of my days in the sun!" burst Elad "it is not me you fear but happiness and the chance of it. I know you have lived so long without it it is a stranger to you"

"but let me try to reacquaint you or introduce you for the first time. You need not think of me, i would rather rot and rot yet never rot away as i live all eternity with you than to try to be happy elsewhere but it can be something between"

'But you should be happy, not a nursemaid for a defect!' Said Apollonius emphatically. 'I could not live with myself knowing I had burdened you. Forever is a long time to walk with guilt.'

'I could not have you weary, yearning for a death that would never come!' There was no sign of coldness now.

"why can you never show this sensitive and considerate side to others? Why must you have them think the worst of you?" asked Elad "but of course i know why, Apollo, because i know your soul. If you have everybody hate you, you can say 'they hate me because i did this' or 'they hate me because i did that' but if you try to show them the goodness in you... You couldn't risk them rejecting that, so you pretend it isn't there. If it's not there it can never be rejected"

Apollonius choked. 'Interesting though this foray into amateur psychology is...' He looked at Elad and sighed and then laughed. 'You're a git! You know that, don't you?'

"i am the prince of gits, but am i your git?"

Apollonius sighed. 'Elad... Elad... I wish I could say you were, but I am so unsure! Before you, I had never even thought I could be close to a guy and I still don't know what I think of it. What if it turned out that we just didn't fit for that reason? Love is love, but biology is biology.'

"then you would move on and have a wife and i would get to make you happy as best friend. I would rather play second fiddle in your orchestra than play a lament in an empty room" said Elad

'Oh, Elad... you can't...' Apollonius was overcome with sorrow. 'I lo... I lunch... late on a Wednesday because... ah... I have a busy morning.'

He looked at his feet. Bloody idiot! Lunch late on a Wednesday? Just say it

Elad smiled "i lunch you too"